Yesterday I spent the day with my mother. We waited together at home while my father was undergoing surgery to remove a cancerous kidney. The day was difficult in many ways, but I felt strength from being a family that loves each other so much. My mother was a rock all day, faltering only after the surgeon called to say the operation went smoothly. She worries that she will upset her grown children if she cries, meanwhile her grown children are worrying about her anyway. My brother John did what I think was the hardest part, he brought my parents in to the hospital at 5:15am, and then said goodbye to our Dad, and took my Mum to breakfast. Later, on the phone, John said that leaving Dad was tough. I told him I didn’t know if I could have done it. My brother Dave came in to the hospital for the afternoon. He is big guy, but just such a quiet, gentle presence. His part was to wait and just be there, which he does without complaint. It was nice to spend a little time with my brother, just getting an ice coffee, and sitting in the solarium reading magazines, commenting on the articles. When my father was taken from recovery to his room, we were all there, anxious just to see his face. He was extremely groggy, and really suffering with the pain. It is so hard to see him like that, and wish someone could do something, but for now he has to bear the pain alone. Watching my mother wiping her husband’s brow and telling him over and over that everything is ok was mesmerizing. I look at them connected like that and think of how they have been together for 50 years. I think of all the life they have experienced together and I sit in awe of their commitment. Even at 45 years old, I can look at my father and feel like a little girl. It is scary to see him in agony and incapacitated. Deep in my mind I am thinking, he couldn’t take care of me now if I needed him, and it’s a thought I have to squelch. My Dad hasn’t had to take care of me for well over 25 years, but apparently I have always found comfort in knowing I could turn to him anytime. In my heart I just want to take care of him, and ease his misery today. As he grows older, I feel more and more protective of him. As I grow older, and gradually realize what is most important in this life; my father becomes more and more perfect in my eyes.
