Each morning at preschool, dropping off Charlotte can be hard on both of us. Some mornings she bounces into the classroom with a smile and a story for the teacher. Other mornings she sits in her car seat and earnestly tells me that her belly aches. I often dream of keeping her in the car and driving to the beach. When I was a kid, I thought grownups could do anything they wanted. Now as an adult I see how unfettered children really are.
With the nice weather floating in, the preschoolers run around in the play yard before class begins. Charlotte & I have adopted a new routine to make goodbye a little easier. I bring her into the school, hug & kiss her, and tell her I'll wait by the fence to wave when she comes out to the playground. Today I sat in my car and watched for the kids to burst out the door and pour onto the playground. Here they come and I see a flash of red hair...Charlotte races to the fence, and falls hard..I mean so hard that there is sand on her nose. She jumps up and hooks her fingers on the chain link, her eyes hard on me. I lean out of the car and say over and over, are you ok? are you ok? She says, yes, yes, yes Mom. I think about climbing that fence, but something in her look stops me. She rubs her knees and keeps looking at me. I tell her I love her and she keeps rubbing her knees. I want to go to her, but she says, "Ok Mom, you can go now."
I drive away with tears in my eyes, and wonder if it will always be this hard for me. Yes, it will always be this hard, but she is closer to ready.
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